What Nairobians who travel to shags (luo land) will be facing at home during Dec holidays……
The reason They are not going to shags!!!!!
1. Your wife can’t stand the firewood smoke, and thinks your mum’s utensils are too dirty and her kids will diarrhoea!
2. The new wife you took to introduce to your clan turns out to be your relative, elders have said.
3. Your rabies-infested domestic dog, Log Dichiel, has bitten your son and the nearest dispensary (Got Kojowi) at 10 km away is closed!
4.Your neighbour who has long hand, has stolen the only jogoo your mother planned to slaughter for you and your family.
5. Your new wife Njeri, has run barefoot all the way to Ndhiwa market to get a Transline back to Nairobi because your mother served her ‘Kamongo’ for lunch, and she thought it was a snake.
6.Your wife has declared ‘hapa hatulali sweetie’ after seeing two mosquitoes the size of human fingers flying around your ageing simba, waiting for the kids blood tonight.
7. Your grandmother Birgita has arrived with a razor blade to ‘saro’ your kids so that the local witch, Magdalina Nyar Kakrao, does not bewitch them with the eyes (juog wang’).
8. You have five full suitcases filled with insect repellents, water guard, mineral water, calpol, antibiotics, flagyl, malaria tabs, snake bite drugs, first aid kits, sleeping bags, mosquito nets and oxygen masks, because your wife couldn’t trust your village!
9. Your cane-cutter cousins are extending their hands to greet your fiancé (they call him ssemeji), but she is holding back her hands in horror because their hands look like the road between Ndhiwa and Gaena.
10. Your other cousin Owino, whose tongue never rests, has walked in and asked ‘Is this really the same wife you came with last time…the one who had four kids?’